life of lonifriend

timetravelingslytherinincamelot:

binkypineapple:

emmybiscuit:

callmekitto:

lilylunastardust:

honestandunapologetic:

somewhitenonsense:

thegoddamazon:

herpthederpboywonder:

lanuminga:

super-d:

roxaskeisuperfighter:

aishaneko:

zombiekunoichi:

Barbie, why in the fuck do you have a wine bottle on top of the oven. That’s a safety hazard, you stupid bitch. 

Jesus christ Barbie, you left the fridge open — I mean seriously, you’re letting all that cold air out and all your food is going to spoil. What the hell is wrong with you barbie, you food wasting bitch. What. the actual. hell.

How could you just leave a cheese grater on top of the fridge like that? It can easily fall and hurt someone, what the hell barbie, you fucking sadistic fuck.

Barbie, what the fuck do you even think you’re doing?! Did you think you were going to get away with this?! If your mother saw you trying to clean up blood with Dawn — fucking Dawn, Barbie — she’d shit a brick. Use some god damn bleach. Jesus.

Bitch use some goddamn fucking common sense. If you’re going to store raw meat in your fridge, put it in goddamn container. JFC, are you [redacted]? That shit’s going to drip blood ALLLLL over all your other foods. Do you want to get sick? That little pan you got it on ain’t gonna cut it - it’ll fill right up and drip from the corners. Jeez, think, would ya?

For the love of fuck, Barbie, how dirty do you have to be to have a fucking rat just chill next to your fridge????

Try sweeping up the fucking crumbs before you try mopping anything with fucking Dawn. Jesus Christ.

Barbie, the Swiffer is your friend. I’m just saying. The days of getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing the kitchen floor are behind us. Also, Dawn? You do realize that a dab of Clorox and some Comet will do a much better job, right?

IS THAT A RAT?!

Barbie, do you have any idea how difficult it is to get blood out of white pants?  Didn’t you read YM as a teen?  You might want to put on different house cleanin clothes.

Barbie, before you continue cleaning, I suggest you pick up those knives from the floor.  You don’t want to hurt yourself accidentally.

Also, what is that cereal on top of your fridge, and where’d you get it from?  I’d really like to try it.

Barbie, don’t put open aired raw meat in the refrigerator. That sh**’s in the temperature danger zone. You’re just asking for a bad case of food poisoning.

barbie I don’t understand what I’m looking at here, why do you have a single clove of garlic on a shelf

that’s a waste of space barbie

Barbie, that hose isn’t even connected to anything. How the fuck do you expect to clean up any of that shit. What. Are. You. Even. Doing.

I am ashamed.

Barbie, What the fuck. You just leave knives on the floor? Do you want to fucking trip and stab your self in the face? Haven’t you had any basic safety lessons? And did you even wash the hand before putting it in the pot? The blood could have AIDS. Fucking AIDS. Do you want to die?

Barbie, you dumb blonde.

Really Barbie? Really? Who the fuck sticks a calculator on the fucking fridge? God fuck it Barbie! And also move that toaster away from your fucking hair or you’ll end up bald! 

(Source: micromimic)